Sometimes I swear, I’m crazy!

If you have read my blog – you will know that one minute I am happy and everything is right in the world and the next minute – I’m a mess and have no idea how I feel. Sometimes I catch myself quickly moving through emotions – and can’t help but think I am crazy!

Now, I will be the first to admit that I am emotional – it goes along with being an Italian- I can’t help it- sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, and sometimes I need to yell. For the most part things have been going very well in the Charger household – busy, but that’s the usual; however, Sunday night I let my emotions get the best of me…..

I actually had quite the relaxing Sunday – I slept in ( should have went to barre- but decided that my bed was way too comfy to get out of), made/had lunch with Charger before he left for his shift, did some blogging, visited my parents, and even finished up the final season of Dawson’s Creek on Netflix (Yes, I was reliving one of my favorite high schools shows- and surprisingly was quite pleased with how it ended…but, that’s for a different discussion), the one thing I didn’t do was talk to Charger once he went to work. Now, this may seem like no big deal for some people- but I usually hear from Charger at least once during his shift – either a phone call, text, or even a comment on my Facebook somewhere – however, during this 3-11 shift, I had texted Charger around 6:30ish (with some pointless question), but never heard back. 

Now, I know he gets busy, especially at the particular department he was working at that evening, and I also knew he was working with one of the officers that is one of his good friends. However, as the hours went by, I started to let myself get worried. When Charger finally did call around 10:30 – he immediately had a question for me (I think it was about scheduling) and I just lost it. Now, as you know I don’t like to fight with Charger or be upset with him when he is at work – but my emotions came out as annoyance and I felt as though he had this complete disregard for the wife he left at home worrying about him (this emotion was further driven when it was clear that he read my text from earlier – but did not take two seconds to respond). 

The call ended with me hanging up tears – and then continuing my Dawson’s Creek marathon. Charger did call back (less than 10 minutes later) and apologize – he had been having a stressful shift and didn’t realize that he failed to talk to me all night; He also realized that the first words of a phone call should not be a random question or a need for something.

I had not realized just how much hearing from Charger once or twice a shift provides comfort to me. I know that anything can happen at any point – which is why Charger and I do not have a specific time I hear from him during any given shift – although not hearing from him until the last hour of his shift was very unusual- which is why I become so emotional.

I do have to remember that it is alright to feel emotions – to stress and to worry. My husband is a police officer after all  (side note: I do know that bad things can happen to anyone, at any point (not just police officers), but the stress is constantly there, whether I realize it or not) – and I usually do a good job of not thinking the worst and keeping myself occupied while he is at work – but on this particular night I needed to worry, I needed to cry, I needed to make it known that I felt like I was left behind at home. And, it is okay. It is okay not to be strong every shift and to need some reassurance, now matter how small or insignificant it may seem to someone else.

Remind your LEO (or significant other) of your needs – a quick text, a phone call- let them know what you need to get through their shift. Your happiness is important and your feelings are justified – even if you do feel like a crazy, emotional train wreck. It’s okay – you are allowed. Just don’t forget to be happy afterwards! =) Especially when your LEO returns after a stressful shift and you are the lucky one that gets to go to bed (for once) with them by your side.

Ms. Officer Charger

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